My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
