I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
