Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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