I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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