We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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