I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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