I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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