3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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