she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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