You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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