Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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