You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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