I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
