Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hippo gnu deer
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
