they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
