i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
