i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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