there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
