why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
