Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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