I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
