just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My vagina just recognized that song.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
