I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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