We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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