so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
