so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We need a shit load of segways right now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
