If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
