I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
