she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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