he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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