My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
