I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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