saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
