no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
