singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
