I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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