my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
