so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
