Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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