Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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