my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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