It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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