my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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