My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
