I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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