Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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