this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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