There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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