genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
