dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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