i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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