In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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