There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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