What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
