apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
