you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
