I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
