my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
