I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
