My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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